Thoughts about everything...

Tonight, through a series of many random things, I have had a lot of things put on my heart and my mind. I know that normally my posts relate to one given topic, but I cannot ignore the fact that the Lord has laid several on my heart tonight. So, this blog will simply be me expressing those things that have been laid on me.

1. Missons.
I love them. I love seeing the kingdom of God grow as His children eagerly jump forward and go into the unknown. However, it really has been on my heart lately that we are missing the lost right here. So many times we use the excuse that we are "called into missions" and that we are being "sent" and we must "go". Yes, all of these things are true, but isn't it also true that these can all be referring to where you are right NOW? We get so caught up in the going that we miss the lost in front of us. We miss the call to be a missionary here first. Not everyone is called to Asia or Africa. Some are called to America.

2. Commitment.
I take commitment very seriously. Whether in relationships or activities, I do not ever find it acceptable to simple quit. There is never a morning that I wake up that I do not wish I had more time to sleep and just be lazy. But I am so committed to my children at work and to my studies that I could not imagine letting them down. It hurts so much when I see someone (sometimes me included) pass up an opportunity because they simple couldn't commit. It breaks my heart that we are simply so used to giving in when things get hard that we do not always understand that this time of pain brings the most healing and that it is through the commitment that you are renewed.

3. My career choice.
I love children. If I didn't, then I would be in the wrong career choice. But sometimes I feel as if others see me as less than adequate to serve the Lord. I feel like if I am not serving the Lord through ministry or through missions that some people see me as less than useful. And this hurts. Greatly. I have given my life to serve the Lord through the ministry of education. I have decided to lay down any dreams of wealth and fortune to serve the Lord by being the light that is so desperately needed in high schools. I have decided to work for Christ even if it means that I myself will have to sacrifice. But still, I feel that some view this as inadequate. I could go into ministry. I could work with children through that, but God has called me elsewhere in life. And I do think that I am adequate.


4. Family
I miss mine. More than anything right now, and knowing that I cannot be near them breaks me. I have never had better friends than my sisters nor better teachers and counselors than my parents. I hate this idea of growing up and moving away. I am so blessed with such a wonderful family that I could not imagine moving on in life and simply coming home to visit. This is still a part of life I am learning to accept and understand.


 Obviously, parts of my thoughts have been more contemplative and some more venting. I understand that most of this is unrelavant and most of you don't even care to know what goes on in the mind of a college student. But this is my heart and I felt the need to lay it all out.

I need prayer. I have been working to understand the Lord better but would love to have encouragement through prayer as I continue to seek Him and His will for my life.